Directed
by Chris Sun, Starring: Tara Reid, Nathan Jones, Bill Moseley, Kane Hodder.
Horror, Australia, 2014, 88mins, Cert 18.
Four
friends embark on a camping trip into the Australian outback to find the urban
legend site known as Charlie’s Farm. Reportedly the former homestead of the
Wilsons, a cannibalistic serial killing couple, legend has it that the family
were murdered back in the 1980’s by an enraged local mob when their heinous
crimes came to light. However, the couple had a child named Charlie, and no one
knows for sure what became of him...
CHARLIE’S
FARM is an Aussie HATCHET-like retro-horror which re-hashes every 80’s slasher
trope without even the faintest hint of a postmodern nod or wink. Yet, whilst
it’s often undeniably groan-inducing corny, it’s also a lot of fun
(eventually).
Introduced
as if they are auditioning for a Foster’s lager commercial, best mates Mick
(Sam Coward) and Jason (Dean Kirkright) sit by a pool, beers in hand,
conspiring to lure Jason’s American wife Natasha (Tara Reid) and her nubile
friend Melanie (Allira Jaques) on their horror camping trip. The pair act like
Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw in CARRY ON CAMPING as they set off. Along the
way their drive into outback hell is strewn with horror clichés piled high by
the side of the road – close-ups of road kill (Kangaroo replacing Texan armadillo),
ominous close-ups of moths caught in spider webs abound; and of course the
obligatory encounter with the local who warns them that they’re heading for a
“dark and evil place” (translation: “You’re all doooomed”).
Writer/director
Chris Sun’s script is equally up to the task of gaining a Guinness World Record
nomination for clichéd dialogue – so much so that I suggest trying the
following drinking game whilst viewing: down a shot every time a character asks
“What’s that smell?” or Tara Reid says she has a bad feeling about this. (You’ll
be drunk as a skunk by the time the end credits roll).
Into
this Aussie special brew we find two fish-out-of-water American horror icons.
Bill Moseley pops up to briefly rehash his ‘Otis’ character from HOUSE OF 1000
CORPSES and THE DEVIL’S REJECTS in flashback as backpacker rapist /murderer/cannibal
Mr Wilson, a role Bill can by now play in his sleep. Then there’s Kane Hodder
appearing (surreally) as a boxing coach who feels guilty for having given his
friends phone directions to ‘Charlie’s Farm’ and sets off in hot pursuit to
make sure they’re alright out there...
We
have to wait a full 59 minutes before ‘Charlie’ himself, the gargantuan retired
strongman/ power lifter/professional wrestler Nathan Jones (Rictus Erectus from MAD MAX: FURY ROAD) swings into action dispatching the unfortunate campers (and a
couple of additional backpackers).
Resembling some kind of genetic steroid
experiment which fused together 70’s children’s TV wizard ‘Catweazle’ with
‘Harry’ from HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS, Nathan Jones’ ‘Charlie’ certainly cuts
an imposing figure given his 6ft 11in frame (rounded up to a neat 7ft on the
film’s artwork!). It’s rare that Kane Hodder is dwarfed on screen – but it sure
happens here! (As student coordinator on the film as well, I briefly
entertained hopes Kane might have been asked to re-stage the infamous boxing scene
from JASON TAKES MANHATTAN – sadly no). Instead we have to make do with an
unsatisfying set-to in a very dimly-lit barn.
Thankfully though, the majority
of Charlie’s exceptionally gory and creative slaughtering is easier to make
out. Just as well as it boasts some impressively unrestrained (and practical)
special make-up effects in a terrific 15 minutes of mayhem that would surely
have earned it a place on the DPP’s list of ‘nasties’ back in the 80’s (where
it feels the film kind of belongs).
If there is one deviation from the slasher
blueprint in the film, it’s in the treatment of Tara Reid’s ‘final girl’. At
one point I thought she might be about to attempt an Amy Steel-like ‘Ginny’
moment from FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 and try to impersonate Charlie’s
dead mother – but instead Director Sun opts for a far blunter, and therefore
unexpectedly abrupt conclusion.
Whilst CHARLIE’S FARM is clearly intended as
a showcase for introducing the horror community to a new potential iconic
horror monster, ‘Charlie’ himself isn’t any competition for Jason, Michael,
Leatherface, or Victor Crowley. But (and Tara Reid in particular might disagree
with me on this) given the choice, I’d much rather watch ‘Charlie’ continuing converting
his farm into a human abattoir in a sequel then watching yet more crappy CG
sharks flying out of tornados ad nauseam.
***(out of 5*)
Paul Worts