EAT (2014)

Directed by Jimmy Weber, Starring: Meggie Maddock, Ali Francis, Maru Garcia. Horror, US, 2014, 87mins, Cert 18.

“Sorry sweetie, eat your heart out”.

It’s tricky trying to write a spoiler-free review about a film with the tagline: “The story of a girl who finds herself – and then eats herself.” The ‘girl’ in question is 30-something peroxide blonde Novella McClure (Meggie Maddock), a struggling LA actress who hasn’t landed a role in 3 years and whose fridge is practically bare. Trapped in a seemingly endless cycle of failed auditions, boozy nightclubs with best-buddy Candice and morning hangovers, Novella is in a very low place. To make matters worse, she’s 3 months overdue with the rent and previously patient landlady Eesha has slapped an eviction notice on her apartment door. What’s a girl to do?  How about absentmindedly chewing on her finger, then tearing off a whole stringy strip of flesh before passing out and ending up in hospital on ‘suicide watch’ for starters...?

Writer/director/editor Jimmy Weber’s first feature film is a glossy, visually appealing character study of a woman’s descent into despair, madness and ultimately self-destruction amidst the maelstrom of an image-conscious society and an endless sea of male scumbags. Much of the films visual appeal is provided by striking lead actress Meggie Maddock as blonde bombshell Novella, a role she quite literally gets to sink her teeth into. Then there's Ali Francis’ best-buddy ‘Candice’, an emotional powder keg with a handgun in her handbag that she’s not afraid to use.

The script offers up some amusingly bitchy back-stabbing exchanges between Novella and her (seemingly) arch-nemesis ‘Tracy’- who appears to be constantly stealing her roles. It doesn’t however scratch too deep below the surface as to what’s actually going on in Novella’s head, and ultimately I felt (somewhat ironically) under-nourished by its end.

The small-scale gore effects by Monster Makeup FX are suitably wince-inducing, and lead Maddock certainly sells the latex with gusto.

Reading the synopsis beforehand, it reminded me of the delightfully gruesome short story by Stephen King entitled ‘Survivor Type’, in which a man stranded on a desert island proceeds to eat himself. EAT is not that extreme, but it does cough up some memorably gory nuggets. The amusingly dark guignol finale particularly tickled my palette, as did the pleasingly inevitable post-credits shot.

EAT is not perhaps a full-on three-course gourmet feast, but it’s nevertheless a reasonable nibble if you’ve a taste for an indie body-horror snack.  

***(out of 5*)             

Paul Worts

SHARK KILLER (2015)

Directed by Sheldon Wilson, Starring: Derek Theler, Erica Cerra, Paul du Toit, Arnold Vosloo. Action, Thriller, US, 2015, 84mins, Cert 15.

“This isn’t Flipper we’re talking about here!”

Shark killer Chase Walker is enlisted by brother Jake to hunt down a Great White Shark (helpfully identifiable by its black fin) who rather inconveniently swallowed a rare diamond belonging to him (well, sort of). By sort of, I mean Jake was originally employed to steal it for rival crime overlord Nix but Jake double-crossed him. Nix, understandably aggrieved by this betrayal, also wants Chase to erm, chase down the shark and retrieve it for him instead. In order to help persuade Chase to switch allegiances he orders the kidnapping of Jake’s smart and sultry lawyer Jasmine (who Chase is smitten by). Can our hero pluck plucky legal babe Jasmine from the jaws of evil fish-gutting Nix whilst also plucking the treasured diamond from the deadly jaws of the black-finned Jaws?

Yes folks we’re deep into Syfy channel territory with this cheesy B’movie mash-up of crime thriller and shark fest. Shark hunter ‘Chase Walker’, played by Derek Theler (Chris Pratt/Jamie FIFTY SHADES OF GREY Dornan lookalike) hates the ocean (there’s a back-story but frankly who cares?), and owes his life somewhat implausibly to his weedy brother Jake (Paul du Toit). Yet more implausible still, despite being an apparent shallow womaniser, Chase is actually a man of hidden depths and no woman, not even our seemingly level-headed lawyer ‘Jasmine’ (Erica Cerra – think Mrs Amal Clooney) can resist his roughish charms indefinitely.  Hell, even the shark seems attracted to Chase as the script implies it’s stalking him at one point (JAWS: THE REVENGE This time it’s personal’ anyone?).

Thankfully the poor misrepresented Great White isn’t on screen for long as it appears to have been cut and pasted directly from DEEP BLUE SEA (bring back rubbery ‘Bruce’ from the original JAWS any day). Even FINDING NEMO’s ‘Bruce’ was more convincing – case in point, the stalking sequence through the sunken wreck – played out here half heartedly – musters less genuine menace than Pixar’s animated effort. I did however love this fascinating insight into shark behaviour from Chase at one point: “She’s marking her territory”. Eat your heart out ‘National Geographic’.

Back on dry land (where this film remains grounded for far too long given its premise), Paul du Toit (‘Toit’ is how his character Jake would pronounce ‘tight’ in his intentionally fake South African accent by the way) undergoes a startling uneven character arc which swings wildly between ruthless evil gang boss and Joe Pesci-like comedy sidekick. Arnold (THE MUMMY) Vosloo channels Donald Pleasence’s evil Bond villain ‘Blofield’ (minus the white pussycat) and is given a gloriously over-the-top send-off burnt to a crisp and harpooned.

SHARK KILLER is of course complete tosh - but it just about manages to keep its head above the water without sinking to the depths of deploying a tornado...  

**(out of 5*)

      

Paul Worts

(This review was originally published on the FrightFest website)

SACRAMENT (2014)

Directed by Shawn Ewert, Starring: Marilyn Burns, Troy Ford, Ed Guinn, Avery Pfeiffer

Horror, US, 2014, 93mins, Cert 18.

“A man’s faith allows him to eat anything, but a man whose faith is weak eats only vegetables.”

Reportedly iconic scream queen Marilyn Burns’ last (and brief) film appearance before her untimely death last year, it’s perhaps somewhat fitting that her last cinematic outing is knee-deep in TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE territory. Playing alongside her as her husband is Ed Guinn (the cattle truck driver from the original TCM), whilst the film itself is set in the middle of the Texas bible belt and features teens being the main course on the barbecue. Unfortunately there are no chainsaws in evidence, but the crazed townsfolk of ‘Middlespring’ seem to be managing just fine without one!

Call it a homage to TCM, but SACRAMENT (not to be confused with Ti West’s 2013 THE SACRAMENT), does offer a few variations on its otherwise well-trodden tale of barbecued butchery. Firstly, there’s the central gay relationship between the two male leads which takes on a greater significance in a pivotal payoff later on. Then there’s the religious slant driving the cannibalistic community to commit atrocities against all those unfortunate young ‘sinners’. And it does offer Marilyn Burns a chance (albeit briefly) to taste what it’s like to be the terroriser (and tenderiser) for once.

It’s rough round the edges, the acting is (to be charitable) variable in quality, and whilst it’s never dull it never manages to set the pulse racing or even begin to notch the terror dial above ‘1’. It originally started out as a short, which is recreated in its entirety during the film (with a different actor), and perhaps rather tellingly this remains the most effective sequence throughout. 

In some ways it’s a DTV equivalent of Herschell Gordon Lewis’ drive-in gore feast TWO THOUSAND MANIACS. But whilst it certainly offers Herschell-like portions of blood and entrails, it’s ultimately more of a gruesome snack than a gourmet blood feast. 

**(out of 5*) 

Paul Worts

DIGGING UP THE MARROW (2014)

Directed by Adam Green, Starring: Adam Green, Ray Wise, Will Barratt. Horror, US, 2014, 88mins, Cert 15.

“It’s NOT found footage...it’s footage footage” mumbles an indignant Adam Green in response to an underwhelmed Kane Hodder at one point during this hugely enjoyable fake documentary. Filmmaker Adam Green (playing himself), receives a package in his fan mail from a retired private detective named ‘William Dekker’ (Ray Wise) claiming he can prove that monsters exist. Dekker informs Green that they live in vast subterranean dwellings beneath the soil, ‘The Marrow’, and that he can take Green to one of the monsters’ bolt-holes in the nearby woods...

Two events inspired the creation of the film. Firstly, Adam Green received a detailed package from a fan claiming that ‘Victor Crowley’ from his HATCHET franchise was real.  Then, during a FANGORIA convention, an artist (and fellow fan) named Alex Pardee handed Green a pamphlet entitled: ‘Digging up the Marrow’, based on the artist’s own monster creations. Those two fortuitous fan-inspired elements combined to produce an engaging blend of (for once welcome) found footage and (scripted) semi-autobiographical fly-on-the-wall scenes filmed by real-life cinematographer Will Barratt.

Putting to one side all the genre cameos Green enlists (numerous), the heart of the film belongs to the terrific performance of Ray Wise as ‘Marrow’ expert ‘Dekker’. Wise is the anchor, delivering a straight up intense portrayal of a man who has carried the burden of this knowledge with him since childhood. The film also packs a genuine gut-punch of real-life poignancy when Dave Brockie appears on-screen as ‘Oderus Urungus’, defiantly proclaiming: “I have been a monster, I always will be a monster, and after I’m dead I will be a dead monster!” before his untimely death in March 2014.

Stepping back from all the genre references and fan pleasing in-jokes, I doubt the film will appeal nearly as much to the uninitiated non-genre viewer who may be looking for another straight up found footage fright flick (I guess they’re must be an audience for that still somewhere right?). The actual ‘found footage’ segments are punchy but brief, and the glimpses of ‘The Marrow’s’ residents are sadly briefer still. (There’s also one subtly brilliant reveal which casual viewers may miss altogether on first viewing.) Whilst Green is obviously subscribing to the ‘less is more’ adage here (unlike his approach to the HATCHET franchise), his core audience, just like Green himself, shares his love of - and sympathy for - the monster, and we’re as eager as he is in the film to uncover the creature.

DIGGING UP THE MARROW is an unapologetic heart-on-the-sleeve love letter to monsters - infused with more than a hint of NIGHTBREED – and it makes for a sweet treat. 

     

**** (out of 5*)

Paul Worts

(This review was first published on the FrightFest website.)

CHARLIE'S FARM (2014)

Directed by Chris Sun, Starring: Tara Reid, Nathan Jones, Bill Moseley, Kane Hodder. Horror, Australia, 2014, 88mins, Cert 18.

Four friends embark on a camping trip into the Australian outback to find the urban legend site known as Charlie’s Farm. Reportedly the former homestead of the Wilsons, a cannibalistic serial killing couple, legend has it that the family were murdered back in the 1980’s by an enraged local mob when their heinous crimes came to light. However, the couple had a child named Charlie, and no one knows for sure what became of him...

CHARLIE’S FARM is an Aussie HATCHET-like retro-horror which re-hashes every 80’s slasher trope without even the faintest hint of a postmodern nod or wink. Yet, whilst it’s often undeniably groan-inducing corny, it’s also a lot of fun (eventually).

Introduced as if they are auditioning for a Foster’s lager commercial, best mates Mick (Sam Coward) and Jason (Dean Kirkright) sit by a pool, beers in hand, conspiring to lure Jason’s American wife Natasha (Tara Reid) and her nubile friend Melanie (Allira Jaques) on their horror camping trip. The pair act like Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw in CARRY ON CAMPING as they set off. Along the way their drive into outback hell is strewn with horror clichés piled high by the side of the road – close-ups of road kill (Kangaroo replacing Texan armadillo), ominous close-ups of moths caught in spider webs abound; and of course the obligatory encounter with the local who warns them that they’re heading for a “dark and evil place” (translation: “You’re all doooomed”).

Writer/director Chris Sun’s script is equally up to the task of gaining a Guinness World Record nomination for clichéd dialogue – so much so that I suggest trying the following drinking game whilst viewing: down a shot every time a character asks “What’s that smell?” or Tara Reid says she has a bad feeling about this. (You’ll be drunk as a skunk by the time the end credits roll). 

Into this Aussie special brew we find two fish-out-of-water American horror icons. Bill Moseley pops up to briefly rehash his ‘Otis’ character from HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES and THE DEVIL’S REJECTS in flashback as backpacker rapist /murderer/cannibal Mr Wilson, a role Bill can by now play in his sleep. Then there’s Kane Hodder appearing (surreally) as a boxing coach who feels guilty for having given his friends phone directions to ‘Charlie’s Farm’ and sets off in hot pursuit to make sure they’re alright out there...

We have to wait a full 59 minutes before ‘Charlie’ himself, the gargantuan retired strongman/ power lifter/professional wrestler Nathan Jones (Rictus Erectus from MAD MAX: FURY ROAD) swings into action dispatching the unfortunate campers (and a couple of additional backpackers). 

Resembling some kind of genetic steroid experiment which fused together 70’s children’s TV wizard ‘Catweazle’ with ‘Harry’ from HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS, Nathan Jones’ ‘Charlie’ certainly cuts an imposing figure given his 6ft 11in frame (rounded up to a neat 7ft on the film’s artwork!). It’s rare that Kane Hodder is dwarfed on screen – but it sure happens here! (As student coordinator on the film as well, I briefly entertained hopes Kane might have been asked to re-stage the infamous boxing scene from JASON TAKES MANHATTAN – sadly no). Instead we have to make do with an unsatisfying set-to in a very dimly-lit barn. 

Thankfully though, the majority of Charlie’s exceptionally gory and creative slaughtering is easier to make out. Just as well as it boasts some impressively unrestrained (and practical) special make-up effects in a terrific 15 minutes of mayhem that would surely have earned it a place on the DPP’s list of ‘nasties’ back in the 80’s (where it feels the film kind of belongs).

If there is one deviation from the slasher blueprint in the film, it’s in the treatment of Tara Reid’s ‘final girl’. At one point I thought she might be about to attempt an Amy Steel-like ‘Ginny’ moment from FRIDAY THE 13^TH PART 2 and try to impersonate Charlie’s dead mother – but instead Director Sun opts for a far blunter, and therefore unexpectedly  abrupt conclusion.

Whilst CHARLIE’S FARM is clearly intended as a showcase for introducing the horror community to a new potential iconic horror monster, ‘Charlie’ himself isn’t any competition for Jason, Michael, Leatherface, or Victor Crowley. But (and Tara Reid in particular might disagree with me on this) given the choice, I’d much rather watch ‘Charlie’ continuing converting his farm into a human abattoir in a sequel then watching yet more crappy CG sharks flying out of tornados ad nauseam.       

***(out of 5*)

Paul Worts 

THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES (1959)

R.I.P. Sir Christopher Lee.
Directed by Terence Fisher, Starring: Peter Cushing, André Morell, Christopher Lee. Horror/Mystery, UK, 1959, 87mins, Cert PG.

“There is more evil around us here than I have ever encountered before!”, exclaims Peter Cushing’s Sherlock Holmes. Hardly dear Peter, hardly; but nevertheless there is still much to enjoy in Hammer’s rather tame telling of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Scooby-Doo tale.

Not that it starts out tame. The legend of the hell hound of the moor opens with a surprisingly sadistic flashback (pure invention on Hammer’s part) where Sir Hugo Baskerville, cheered on by a drunken court of braying aristocrats, throws a servant girl’s father headfirst through a stain glass-window before implying nothing less than gang-rape for his daughter. Upon discovering that: “The bitch has got away!” Sir Hugo releases the hounds onto the moors in pursuit and eventually tracks her down amongst the abbey ruins where he proceeds to plunge a dagger into the poor girl. However, Sir Hugo is himself in for a nasty surprise as that blood-curdling howling which spooked his hounds is about to manifest itself into an ominously looming shadow, and the servant girl’s blood dripping onto the ruins is about to be supplemented by that of Sir Hugo’s...

Not bad for an “A” certificate! However the film never really lives up to this barnstorming opening – and instead settles down into an almost cosy restrained Sunday teatime affair. Peter Cushing is reliably mesmerising as the great detective – and his prop juggling is in fine fettle – lighting his pipe with a hot piece of coal plucked from the fire with tongs; stabbing his papers onto the mantelpiece and writing down details on his shirt cuff. Holmes’ faithful companion Doctor Watson is played with admirable restraint and dignity by André Morell, and Christopher Lee seems to be relishing a rare stab at a straight up romantic lead role as the last of the Baskerville line: Sir Henry. Indeed he certainly appears comfortable enough for the most part, albeit with one obvious exception involving an unwelcomed close encounter with a (real) tarantula which crawls up his arm before being replaced with a joke shop substitute just in time for Mr Holmes to dispatch with his trusty poker.

Hammer play around with the original novels plot (most significantly in their reapportioning of the real villain’s identity), which may well have rankled with audiences familiar with the original book – but I’m guessing the punters sitting in their picture houses back then would’ve been far more outraged by the final reveal of the beast itself. It was after all a Hammer film, and the original poster artwork which had enticed them into the stalls promised them a fearsome hellhound with drooling fangs and piercing eyes of pure evil. What they got back in 1959, and what we get now in 2015 (in gloriously unforgiving HD) is a scrawny looking young Great Dane (called Colonel) in an ill-fitting mask of rabbit skin – who had to be goaded into action by the onset prop man (who he hated). Unfortunately no amount of prop-wielding dexterity or verbal sparring from Mr Cushing can compensate for the ultimate letdown of a Barbara Woodhouse trained placid pooch being obviously forced into grappling with its supposed victims. (Mr Lee might disagree somewhat as he was indeed bitten for real by Colonel in a rare unguarded moment).

Ultimately it’s this letdown of a finale which doomed the chances of further Hammer excursions into the cunning mind of the great detective. But it leaves behind a charming one-off hodgepodge with many Hammer traits present and correct: the dry ice shrouded atmospherics, the day-for-night photography, James Bernard’s iconic bombastic scoring (including snatches from his own DRACULA score) and indeed the same castle set redressed from DRACULA itself.

So, whilst Cushing’s Holmes believes that the case of the Hound of the Baskervilles is: “...a two-pipe problem”, Hammer’s THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES is really a one-hound problem. But whilst it may lack real bite, it’s hard not to feel genuine affection for this mutt in Hammer’s canon.

***(out of 5*)

Paul Worts

(This review originally appeared on the FrightFest website).

DARKEST DAY (2015)

Directed by Dan Rickard, Starring: Dan Rickard, Chris Wandell, Samantha Bolter. Horror, UK, 2015, 90mins, Cert 15.

Washed up on a deserted Brighton beach with no memory of how he got there, Dan (Dan Rickard) stumbles into the debris-strewn burnt out town. A devastating neurological virus has swept across the land - resulting in a zombie plague. After a chance encounter following a zombie-skirmish, he falls in with a small group of survivors who are hiding out in a small terrace house; plundering food and booze from nearby supermarkets and dodging the occasional rampaging zombie. But there is also a military presence in the town, and it soon becomes apparent that their mission is to hunt him down. Can Dan and his new found friends find sanctuary in the out of town ‘safe camps’ before the soldiers find him – and just why is he the army’s number one priority...?

Filmed largely over spare weekends, this micro-budgeted project (£1,000) originally started out way back in 2006 - when director Dan Rickard was just 19 years old. Enlisting the help and endless goodwill and perseverance of his friends (not to mention the occasional 50 or so volunteer zombie extras), it’s a minor miracle that the film actually got completed at all. What’s more surprising still is that it hangs together reasonably well and flows far smoother than its protracted production history would suggest. Combining a shooting schedule not too dissimilar to Peter Jackson’s first feature BAD TASTE, with a DIY-like approach to the visual effects, Rickard’s achievement is certainly commendable purely from a logistics point of view.

However, both his choice of subject matter and the largely improvised script upon which he hangs some (admittedly) impressive images on in amongst the shaky-cam approach to action, is far too much 28 DAYS LATER reliant and offers little in the way of originality in an already vastly over-populated zombie apocalypse ravaged sub-genre.

As the lead, Rickard himself admits he’s no actor (and he’d be right) – but his self-casting came from him figuring no one else could be persuaded to lay down in freezing sea-water for no money! The rest of the cast wade in as best they can with what little they’re given to work with. But if I said the line “Why’d you need artificial colouring in peas?” was the dialogue highlight for me, perhaps this might tell you something?

Visually though there are some strikingly effective images including a seemingly deserted road junction strewn with burnt out vehicles, (actually filmed in the middle of the day in between traffic incursions), and a derailed commuter train. There’s also some seamless additional CG soldiers (Rickard only had 3 army uniforms at his disposal). The Chinook (?) military helicopter shots (achieved using a model) are admirably resourceful – albeit displaying a tad too much manoeuvrability me thinks (but I’m no helicopter expert).

The zombies run full-pelt at the camera with often little more make-up applied than a smattering of red paint. There is a very brief glimpse of gut munching but nothing really juicy for gorehounds to salivate over.

At one point in the film, the survivors find themselves playing a game of cat and mouse with the tracking soldiers in a fully-stocked branch of the now defunct Blockbuster rental chain. It’s an amusing anachronism which seems somewhat appropriate given that Blockbuster and DARKEST DAY are essentially both examples of outdated concepts whose respective shelf-lives have now expired. 

But I’ve reviewed far worse, far bigger-budgeted flicks recently, so DARKEST DAY gets a (generous) three-stars rather than my increasingly common two-star rating of late.

***(out of 5*)

Paul Worts