Directed
by Owen Tooth, Starring: Roxanne Pallett, Jason Mewes, Frances Ruffelle,
Having
been (literally) thrown out onto the street by her abusive alcoholic mother,
Sarah is forced to take up residence in Albion Court, a tower block seemingly
filled with wall to wall drug dealers, generic low-life characters and a murky
past. “What, you’re moving into the murder flat?”(exclaims one of the
residents). “He’s just winding you up, they didn’t die IN the flat”, reassures
another. But Sarah will soon find out that it’s what is residing in flat 254 on
the top floor that she really needs to worry about...
Not
entirely sure where to begin in trying to review this film. I guess I’ll start
with the lead, Roxanne Pallett (formerly of TV ‘Emmerdale’ fame), making her ‘scream
queen’ debut playing Sarah a character who is either 21 or 18 years of age. Let
me explain. Her most treasured possession, a silver cigarette lighter, is
inscribed ‘21st Happy Birthday’ from her mum and dad (dad’s dead:
not explained). But - and here’s the rub – when mum (Frances Ruffelle) subsequently
totters up unannounced and unwelcome at her flat she tells Sarah that
motherhood is a life sentence which started: “...18 years ago when you were
born”. Perhaps the booze has clouded her timeframe – then again, her confusion
could be down to the fact that her onscreen daughter is being played by an
actress who is in reality 31 years of age!
This low-budget British supernatural zombie rom-bonk is crammed full of awful cringe-inducing characters uttering cringe-inducing dialogue which even the script editor for ‘Eastenders’ would baulk at. Remember the film David and his dead friend Jack watch in the porno cinema on Piccadilly Circus in AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (‘See You Next Wednesday’ of course), well the acting in that for the most part surpasses most of the performances here.
In
fact, its sheer preposterousness is actually the film's only saving grace; such is the
level of seemingly unashamed amateurism on screen you feel somewhat obliged to see it through
to its bitter end just to see quite how much further down it will sink.
And
then there’s Jason (CLERKS, JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKES BACK) Mewes, whose
career has faded so far he can’t even claim top-billing, turning up surreally as
‘Sid’ the squatter. “Sid, no offence, but you’re a bit of a lunatic” pronounces
Sarah’s best friend Lucy in a rare moment of perceptive insight. But then
everyone is a loony in this loony tune of a horror film which is described as a
‘zombie home invasion horror’ but which doesn’t deliver on this promise (and
which is laughably half-hearted even then) until there’s only 20 minutes left
of the running time. Presumably the make-up budget ran out by this
point as the zombies appear to be munching down without a hint of viscera or
steaming innards in sight. And speaking of ‘home invasion’, everyone seems to
blithely leave their front doors unlocked. There are countless occurrences
where characters just barge into their neighbours flats – surely this
shockingly lax sense of home security belongs back in the ‘Ena Sharples’ era of
Coronation Street rather than a contemporary graffiti littered hell-hole like Albion
Court?
DEVIL’S
TOWER is frankly a car-crash of a film which you can’t help but stare at in
astonishment. Why Roxanne Pallett thought a film where she gets to deliver
dialogue such as: “He tried to rape me [“What?”] No, it’s alright I tried to
rape him too” would act as the propellant to launch her ‘scream queen’ career
is unfathomable. (On the evidence of this I don’t think Danielle Harris needs
to worry about any competition). Perhaps she should have taken more heed of the
caretaker’s advice: “This building isn’t kind: now bugger off!” Then again, as
the film staggers limply towards its daft climax, a possessed participant utters
this particular gem: “Don’t ask me to explain, his mind is otherwise engaged”. This sums up DEVIL’S TOWER in a nutshell.
Paul Worts
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