CHARLIE'S FARM (2014)

Directed by Chris Sun, Starring: Tara Reid, Nathan Jones, Bill Moseley, Kane Hodder. Horror, Australia, 2014, 88mins, Cert 18.

Four friends embark on a camping trip into the Australian outback to find the urban legend site known as Charlie’s Farm. Reportedly the former homestead of the Wilsons, a cannibalistic serial killing couple, legend has it that the family were murdered back in the 1980’s by an enraged local mob when their heinous crimes came to light. However, the couple had a child named Charlie, and no one knows for sure what became of him...

CHARLIE’S FARM is an Aussie HATCHET-like retro-horror which re-hashes every 80’s slasher trope without even the faintest hint of a postmodern nod or wink. Yet, whilst it’s often undeniably groan-inducing corny, it’s also a lot of fun (eventually).

Introduced as if they are auditioning for a Foster’s lager commercial, best mates Mick (Sam Coward) and Jason (Dean Kirkright) sit by a pool, beers in hand, conspiring to lure Jason’s American wife Natasha (Tara Reid) and her nubile friend Melanie (Allira Jaques) on their horror camping trip. The pair act like Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw in CARRY ON CAMPING as they set off. Along the way their drive into outback hell is strewn with horror clichés piled high by the side of the road – close-ups of road kill (Kangaroo replacing Texan armadillo), ominous close-ups of moths caught in spider webs abound; and of course the obligatory encounter with the local who warns them that they’re heading for a “dark and evil place” (translation: “You’re all doooomed”).

Writer/director Chris Sun’s script is equally up to the task of gaining a Guinness World Record nomination for clichéd dialogue – so much so that I suggest trying the following drinking game whilst viewing: down a shot every time a character asks “What’s that smell?” or Tara Reid says she has a bad feeling about this. (You’ll be drunk as a skunk by the time the end credits roll). 

Into this Aussie special brew we find two fish-out-of-water American horror icons. Bill Moseley pops up to briefly rehash his ‘Otis’ character from HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES and THE DEVIL’S REJECTS in flashback as backpacker rapist /murderer/cannibal Mr Wilson, a role Bill can by now play in his sleep. Then there’s Kane Hodder appearing (surreally) as a boxing coach who feels guilty for having given his friends phone directions to ‘Charlie’s Farm’ and sets off in hot pursuit to make sure they’re alright out there...

We have to wait a full 59 minutes before ‘Charlie’ himself, the gargantuan retired strongman/ power lifter/professional wrestler Nathan Jones (Rictus Erectus from MAD MAX: FURY ROAD) swings into action dispatching the unfortunate campers (and a couple of additional backpackers). 

Resembling some kind of genetic steroid experiment which fused together 70’s children’s TV wizard ‘Catweazle’ with ‘Harry’ from HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS, Nathan Jones’ ‘Charlie’ certainly cuts an imposing figure given his 6ft 11in frame (rounded up to a neat 7ft on the film’s artwork!). It’s rare that Kane Hodder is dwarfed on screen – but it sure happens here! (As student coordinator on the film as well, I briefly entertained hopes Kane might have been asked to re-stage the infamous boxing scene from JASON TAKES MANHATTAN – sadly no). Instead we have to make do with an unsatisfying set-to in a very dimly-lit barn. 

Thankfully though, the majority of Charlie’s exceptionally gory and creative slaughtering is easier to make out. Just as well as it boasts some impressively unrestrained (and practical) special make-up effects in a terrific 15 minutes of mayhem that would surely have earned it a place on the DPP’s list of ‘nasties’ back in the 80’s (where it feels the film kind of belongs).

If there is one deviation from the slasher blueprint in the film, it’s in the treatment of Tara Reid’s ‘final girl’. At one point I thought she might be about to attempt an Amy Steel-like ‘Ginny’ moment from FRIDAY THE 13^TH PART 2 and try to impersonate Charlie’s dead mother – but instead Director Sun opts for a far blunter, and therefore unexpectedly  abrupt conclusion.

Whilst CHARLIE’S FARM is clearly intended as a showcase for introducing the horror community to a new potential iconic horror monster, ‘Charlie’ himself isn’t any competition for Jason, Michael, Leatherface, or Victor Crowley. But (and Tara Reid in particular might disagree with me on this) given the choice, I’d much rather watch ‘Charlie’ continuing converting his farm into a human abattoir in a sequel then watching yet more crappy CG sharks flying out of tornados ad nauseam.       

***(out of 5*)

Paul Worts