THE PREDATOR (2018)

Directed by: Shane Black, Starring: Boyd Holbrook, Olivia Munn, Keegan-Michael Kay. Sci-Fi/Horror. US 2018, 107mins, Cert 15.

“Get to the choppers!” 

Perhaps too much was expected from Messrs Black and Dekker. THE PREDATOR, I’m sad to report, is a mess, a tonally-careening, all over the place mess. From toe-curlingly misjudged attempts at humour which crash and burn, to momentum zapping scenes of empty filler which add nothing, and on to randomly dispersed set-pieces of gory mayhem which prove mildly entertaining but are never allowed to build up any head of steam. Expectations were low going in to the 3D screening at the BFI IMAX, but it’s nothing short of criminal that significant portions of a Predator film are just plain boring.

Proceedings start promisingly enough with a swift opening sequence involving a dog-fight in outer space resulting in a Predator ship opening a wormhole to escape pursuit from a larger craft. Gate crashing a hostage rescue in a forest in Mexico, the Predator immediately engages with a covert ops team led by sniper Quinn McKenna (Boyd Holbrook – bland but serviceable). Blood is spilt and a skinned soldier hangs skinned from a tree whilst his blood drips down onto the cloaked Predator making him visible. Quinn purloins his mask and gauntlet as a government team arrive to take the Predator to a science lab. Quinn then posts the Predator kit to his son and ex-wife’s home (don’t ask), before being taken in for psych evaluation.

Quinn’s autistic son Rory opens the package just in time to go trick or treating on Halloween with the Predator’s mask on – complete with fully operational laser canon! Nope, even a scene where the neighbourhood bullies witness Rory blowing up a house with his costume fails to register more than a tokenistic titter. Was this really written by the director and co-writers of THE MONSTER SQUAD?

Meanwhile the Predator is “heavily” sedated and strapped down with conspicuously flimsy restraints in the laboratory waiting for biologist Casey Bracket (Olivia Munn – excellent) to get up close and purr with pleasure: “You are one beautiful motherfucker” (groan) and to question in a half-decent repeating gag why it’s called a predator. Does the Predator wake up and break free? Check. Killing most of the white coats in the process? Check.That beautiful motherfucker bursts out of his restraints and immediately embarks on mass slaughter in full-on Jason Voorhees mode. 

Unfortunately, the activation of the Predator mask alerts the bigger more-upgraded pursuer, (shimmering in sub-grade CG ‘enhancement’) to the location of its prey and it comes a calling with (wait for it) Predator dogs in tow! Why then isn’t this a 5-star film? Well, mostly because it’s all assembled so clumsily. Disparate scenes barely hang together by a gossamer thread and the characterisation of Quinn’s ragtag band of fellow military psych evals plumbs the depths of desperation - tourettes as a gag generator and ‘your mom’ type of jokes: “How do you circumcise a homeless man? Kick your mom on the chin” 'The hunt has evolved’ promises the poster tagline, well the humour sure hasn’t.

There is one genuinely funny sequence when Olivia Munn regains consciousness after accidentally shooting herself in the foot with a tranquiliser dart (how’s that for an unintentional metaphor for this film?). Upon waking she’s greeted by the sight of the entire psych eval band staring back at her sheepishly like the seven dwarfs. A tantalisingly brief glimpse of what these writers can produce. Perhaps the carte blanche gifted to Black and Dekker in terms of being allowed to shoot for an ‘R’ rating resulted in them feeling obligated to upping the gore and crude dialogue? If so, then unfortunately this proves to be to the detriment and expense of any real heart in the material.

The final insult however is the ends reveal of the secret weapon that the Predator has bestowed on humanity to fight back against the other bigger badder Predators. The way it’s built up you inevitably think...well, let’s just say it isn’t what you think and as a result the film ends with a deflated shrug.

Re-shoots and a cut scene which featured a convicted sex-offender. End result? Well, it’s better than ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM by virtue of the fact you can actually make out what is going on most of the time. But considering the talent involved, and how low the bar was previously set with AVPR:R, that hardly represents any kind of achievement.    

*** (out of 5*)

Paul Worts