THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE III (FINAL SEQUENCE) (2015)

Directed by Tom Six, Starring: Dieter Laser, Laurence R. Harvey, Bree Olsen, Eric Roberts. Horror, US, 2015, 100mins, Cert 18.

Sadistic prison warden Bill Boss (Dieter Laser) is in danger of being fired by state Governor (Eric Roberts) on account of his prison having the highest personnel turnover; violence rates; and legal and medical costs - of any other institution in the US correctional system. Boss’ long-suffering accountant and right hand man Dwight (Laurence R. Harvey) however has a cunning plan to help cut costs. Inspired by the first two HUMAN CENTIPEDE films, Dwight proposes to create one giant human centipede of the 500 inmates...

Tom Six’s ‘FINAL SEQUENCE’ in his CENTIPEDE trilogy is a tamer effort in comparison to its slaughterhouse aesthetic monochrome predecessor, but there’s still plenty to offend the average ‘Daily Mail’ reader in this cartoonish satire on US politics. For starters Six loads Bill Boss’ dialogue with a non-stop spewing barrage of sexist, racist, homophobic diatribes. Played with artery bulging ferocity by Dieter Laser (returning from the FIRST SEQUENCE where he played the mad scientist and original creator of the centipede ‘Dr Heiter’), Boss’ rants aren’t mere idle threats either. Amongst his methods of attempting to instil discipline he employs water-boarding - with boiling hot water - on one prisoner whilst castrating another before having his testicles cooked for dinner. (And don’t ask what those African imported ‘sweets’ in that jar on his desk really are either...) 

Then, when he’s not abusing and maiming his inmates, Boss is abusing his secretary ‘Daisy’ (Bree Olsen) for his sexual gratification – in full-view of ineffectual ‘Dwight’ (Lawrence R Harvey - also returning after his brilliant portrayal of obsessive monster ‘Martin’ in FULL SEQUENCE). Dwight is in love with Daisy but he (like the rest of the prison staff) just can’t muster the courage to stand up to his evil tyrant of an employer – even when Daisy’s lying in a coma from being assaulted by an inmate.

Given the steady catalogue of atrocities served up throughout the film, the actual centipede of prisoners is almost an afterthought (it doesn’t actually begin to take shape until two-thirds of the films’ running time has lapsed). In some ways perhaps this reflects the (cult)ural phenomena of the ‘Human Centipede’ itself. The concept has seeped over into the mainstream (e.g. South Park parody) to the point where it’s become a viable Halloween cosplay option (for three close friends or more). This unlikely crossover has inevitably ‘watered down’ the centipede’s impact to shock. Originally conceived by Tom Six as an imaginary punishment for convicted paedophiles – it has, to a lesser extent, mirrored the way in which the original darker origins of ‘Fred Krueger’ were conveniently pushed to one side once wise-cracking punmiester ‘Freddy’ became a merchandising cash-cow for New Line Cinema. Tom Six is, I suspect, smart enough to have seen this coming all along, hence the structure of his FINAL SEQUENCE.

As puerile and ridiculously implausible as the material may be, there’s clearly method in Tom Six’s madness (something which is either consciously overlooked or genuinely missed altogether in amongst the copious amounts of onscreen filth and degradation). To say the trilogy displays self-awareness is an understatement – it’s a positive meta-construct. From the inverse scenario of Lawrence R Harvey’s loner ‘Martin’ being inspired by THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE) in the startlingly bleak brilliance of the sequel, right through to his character in FINAL SEQUENCE making his boss watch both the previous films before inviting the actual director into the prison as a technical adviser on achieving their 500-strong prisoner centipede. (The alternate ending – an extra on the disc – goes even further in completing the self-sustaining regurgitative narrative).

Maybe I should be worried, but despite all I’ve described above, I found THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE III (FINAL SEQUENCE) riotously amusing – albeit in a sick kind of way. Dieter Laser, resembling a 70’s exploitation version of ‘Lord Voldemort’ from HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE, is mesmerisingly over-the-top; whilst Lawrence R. Harvey’s meekly mild moustachioed accountant is a perfect comedic foil for mad bastard Boss (even with Harvey’s hilariously unconvincing American accent).

Tom Six’s CENTIPEDE trilogy is, I very much suspect, a lot like ‘Marmite’: you either love it or you hate it. I HATE ‘Marmite’, but I seem to love the CENTIPEDE trilogy.

**** (out of 5*)                

         

Paul Worts

 

INVOKED (2015)

Directed by Humberto Rosaand Thairon Mendes, Starring: Patrick Murphy, Ciara Rose Burke, Lynn Larkin. Horror, UK, 2015, 85mins, Cert 15.

Five Irish twentysomethings set out for a weekend jaunt to stay at a youth hostel on a remote island off the coast of Ireland: reachable only (it seems) by rowing boat. Arriving cold and wet, they find the hostel deserted: and the electricity’s out. Lighting a fire, some candles, and some spliffs, they decide to pass their first boozy night away by holding a séance (as you do). The upturned glass whisks briskly around the table spelling out the phrase ‘my children’ in response to the question: ‘what do you want?’...

Oh dear. Yet another wobble cam found footage snore fest, offering nothing remotely original in exchange for its migraine-inducing handheld shake and back cinematography. Every cliché and limitation associated with the found footage format is present and correct in this film’s tortuously dull 85 minutes of tedium. My heart sank the moment the title card appeared to explain that what we are (unfortunately) about to sit through is: “...evidence pertaining to the case of 5 people that went missing...This footage has been leaked to the public...” blah, blah Blarney Stone.

You could easily fast-forward to the 50 minute mark without missing anything scary (actually you could skip right through to the end-credits and still not miss anything genuinely frightening).

It’s not that I take exception to its old well worn set-up: groups of kids in remote setting (near a creepy burial ground!) muck about with things they shouldn’t and accidentally invoke evil spirit. It’s just that in this case there’s absolutely no attempt to inject even the merest hint of freshness or even self-awareness into the script. All you get is a bunch of non-descript young things shouting and screaming non-stop whilst inexplicably keeping their video cameras jiggling around as they run from one dimly-lit room to another. (Side note: if you’ve just seen a ghost whilst filming on your (non)steadicam – and your mates don’t believe you – why not just rewind the tape and show them it through the viewfinder?)

So what do they actually capture on film? Is someone suddenly dragged backwards down a corridor? Why yes – how did you guess? Is there a girl with long black hair wearing a long white robe that turns suddenly and transforms her face into a generic long-droopy face CG demon scream? Why yes there is, oh you’re good! We also get some chairs tossed across the floor, some supernatural rising damp creeping along the walls, and something scuttling down a tree in the pitch black woods. I couldn’t really make it out – perhaps it was a possessed squirrel? 

If you like found footage flicks, check out Adam Green’s DIGGING UP THE MARROW for a genuinely engaging take on the format. Sadly, INVOKED only invokes yawns.

*(out of 5*)

Paul Worts

EAT (2014)

Directed by Jimmy Weber, Starring: Meggie Maddock, Ali Francis, Maru Garcia. Horror, US, 2014, 87mins, Cert 18.

“Sorry sweetie, eat your heart out”.

It’s tricky trying to write a spoiler-free review about a film with the tagline: “The story of a girl who finds herself – and then eats herself.” The ‘girl’ in question is 30-something peroxide blonde Novella McClure (Meggie Maddock), a struggling LA actress who hasn’t landed a role in 3 years and whose fridge is practically bare. Trapped in a seemingly endless cycle of failed auditions, boozy nightclubs with best-buddy Candice and morning hangovers, Novella is in a very low place. To make matters worse, she’s 3 months overdue with the rent and previously patient landlady Eesha has slapped an eviction notice on her apartment door. What’s a girl to do?  How about absentmindedly chewing on her finger, then tearing off a whole stringy strip of flesh before passing out and ending up in hospital on ‘suicide watch’ for starters...?

Writer/director/editor Jimmy Weber’s first feature film is a glossy, visually appealing character study of a woman’s descent into despair, madness and ultimately self-destruction amidst the maelstrom of an image-conscious society and an endless sea of male scumbags. Much of the films visual appeal is provided by striking lead actress Meggie Maddock as blonde bombshell Novella, a role she quite literally gets to sink her teeth into. Then there's Ali Francis’ best-buddy ‘Candice’, an emotional powder keg with a handgun in her handbag that she’s not afraid to use.

The script offers up some amusingly bitchy back-stabbing exchanges between Novella and her (seemingly) arch-nemesis ‘Tracy’- who appears to be constantly stealing her roles. It doesn’t however scratch too deep below the surface as to what’s actually going on in Novella’s head, and ultimately I felt (somewhat ironically) under-nourished by its end.

The small-scale gore effects by Monster Makeup FX are suitably wince-inducing, and lead Maddock certainly sells the latex with gusto.

Reading the synopsis beforehand, it reminded me of the delightfully gruesome short story by Stephen King entitled ‘Survivor Type’, in which a man stranded on a desert island proceeds to eat himself. EAT is not that extreme, but it does cough up some memorably gory nuggets. The amusingly dark guignol finale particularly tickled my palette, as did the pleasingly inevitable post-credits shot.

EAT is not perhaps a full-on three-course gourmet feast, but it’s nevertheless a reasonable nibble if you’ve a taste for an indie body-horror snack.  

***(out of 5*)             

Paul Worts

SHARK KILLER (2015)

Directed by Sheldon Wilson, Starring: Derek Theler, Erica Cerra, Paul du Toit, Arnold Vosloo. Action, Thriller, US, 2015, 84mins, Cert 15.

“This isn’t Flipper we’re talking about here!”

Shark killer Chase Walker is enlisted by brother Jake to hunt down a Great White Shark (helpfully identifiable by its black fin) who rather inconveniently swallowed a rare diamond belonging to him (well, sort of). By sort of, I mean Jake was originally employed to steal it for rival crime overlord Nix but Jake double-crossed him. Nix, understandably aggrieved by this betrayal, also wants Chase to erm, chase down the shark and retrieve it for him instead. In order to help persuade Chase to switch allegiances he orders the kidnapping of Jake’s smart and sultry lawyer Jasmine (who Chase is smitten by). Can our hero pluck plucky legal babe Jasmine from the jaws of evil fish-gutting Nix whilst also plucking the treasured diamond from the deadly jaws of the black-finned Jaws?

Yes folks we’re deep into Syfy channel territory with this cheesy B’movie mash-up of crime thriller and shark fest. Shark hunter ‘Chase Walker’, played by Derek Theler (Chris Pratt/Jamie FIFTY SHADES OF GREY Dornan lookalike) hates the ocean (there’s a back-story but frankly who cares?), and owes his life somewhat implausibly to his weedy brother Jake (Paul du Toit). Yet more implausible still, despite being an apparent shallow womaniser, Chase is actually a man of hidden depths and no woman, not even our seemingly level-headed lawyer ‘Jasmine’ (Erica Cerra – think Mrs Amal Clooney) can resist his roughish charms indefinitely.  Hell, even the shark seems attracted to Chase as the script implies it’s stalking him at one point (JAWS: THE REVENGE This time it’s personal’ anyone?).

Thankfully the poor misrepresented Great White isn’t on screen for long as it appears to have been cut and pasted directly from DEEP BLUE SEA (bring back rubbery ‘Bruce’ from the original JAWS any day). Even FINDING NEMO’s ‘Bruce’ was more convincing – case in point, the stalking sequence through the sunken wreck – played out here half heartedly – musters less genuine menace than Pixar’s animated effort. I did however love this fascinating insight into shark behaviour from Chase at one point: “She’s marking her territory”. Eat your heart out ‘National Geographic’.

Back on dry land (where this film remains grounded for far too long given its premise), Paul du Toit (‘Toit’ is how his character Jake would pronounce ‘tight’ in his intentionally fake South African accent by the way) undergoes a startling uneven character arc which swings wildly between ruthless evil gang boss and Joe Pesci-like comedy sidekick. Arnold (THE MUMMY) Vosloo channels Donald Pleasence’s evil Bond villain ‘Blofield’ (minus the white pussycat) and is given a gloriously over-the-top send-off burnt to a crisp and harpooned.

SHARK KILLER is of course complete tosh - but it just about manages to keep its head above the water without sinking to the depths of deploying a tornado...  

**(out of 5*)

      

Paul Worts

(This review was originally published on the FrightFest website)

SACRAMENT (2014)

Directed by Shawn Ewert, Starring: Marilyn Burns, Troy Ford, Ed Guinn, Avery Pfeiffer

Horror, US, 2014, 93mins, Cert 18.

“A man’s faith allows him to eat anything, but a man whose faith is weak eats only vegetables.”

Reportedly iconic scream queen Marilyn Burns’ last (and brief) film appearance before her untimely death last year, it’s perhaps somewhat fitting that her last cinematic outing is knee-deep in TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE territory. Playing alongside her as her husband is Ed Guinn (the cattle truck driver from the original TCM), whilst the film itself is set in the middle of the Texas bible belt and features teens being the main course on the barbecue. Unfortunately there are no chainsaws in evidence, but the crazed townsfolk of ‘Middlespring’ seem to be managing just fine without one!

Call it a homage to TCM, but SACRAMENT (not to be confused with Ti West’s 2013 THE SACRAMENT), does offer a few variations on its otherwise well-trodden tale of barbecued butchery. Firstly, there’s the central gay relationship between the two male leads which takes on a greater significance in a pivotal payoff later on. Then there’s the religious slant driving the cannibalistic community to commit atrocities against all those unfortunate young ‘sinners’. And it does offer Marilyn Burns a chance (albeit briefly) to taste what it’s like to be the terroriser (and tenderiser) for once.

It’s rough round the edges, the acting is (to be charitable) variable in quality, and whilst it’s never dull it never manages to set the pulse racing or even begin to notch the terror dial above ‘1’. It originally started out as a short, which is recreated in its entirety during the film (with a different actor), and perhaps rather tellingly this remains the most effective sequence throughout. 

In some ways it’s a DTV equivalent of Herschell Gordon Lewis’ drive-in gore feast TWO THOUSAND MANIACS. But whilst it certainly offers Herschell-like portions of blood and entrails, it’s ultimately more of a gruesome snack than a gourmet blood feast. 

**(out of 5*) 

Paul Worts

DIGGING UP THE MARROW (2014)

Directed by Adam Green, Starring: Adam Green, Ray Wise, Will Barratt. Horror, US, 2014, 88mins, Cert 15.

“It’s NOT found footage...it’s footage footage” mumbles an indignant Adam Green in response to an underwhelmed Kane Hodder at one point during this hugely enjoyable fake documentary. Filmmaker Adam Green (playing himself), receives a package in his fan mail from a retired private detective named ‘William Dekker’ (Ray Wise) claiming he can prove that monsters exist. Dekker informs Green that they live in vast subterranean dwellings beneath the soil, ‘The Marrow’, and that he can take Green to one of the monsters’ bolt-holes in the nearby woods...

Two events inspired the creation of the film. Firstly, Adam Green received a detailed package from a fan claiming that ‘Victor Crowley’ from his HATCHET franchise was real.  Then, during a FANGORIA convention, an artist (and fellow fan) named Alex Pardee handed Green a pamphlet entitled: ‘Digging up the Marrow’, based on the artist’s own monster creations. Those two fortuitous fan-inspired elements combined to produce an engaging blend of (for once welcome) found footage and (scripted) semi-autobiographical fly-on-the-wall scenes filmed by real-life cinematographer Will Barratt.

Putting to one side all the genre cameos Green enlists (numerous), the heart of the film belongs to the terrific performance of Ray Wise as ‘Marrow’ expert ‘Dekker’. Wise is the anchor, delivering a straight up intense portrayal of a man who has carried the burden of this knowledge with him since childhood. The film also packs a genuine gut-punch of real-life poignancy when Dave Brockie appears on-screen as ‘Oderus Urungus’, defiantly proclaiming: “I have been a monster, I always will be a monster, and after I’m dead I will be a dead monster!” before his untimely death in March 2014.

Stepping back from all the genre references and fan pleasing in-jokes, I doubt the film will appeal nearly as much to the uninitiated non-genre viewer who may be looking for another straight up found footage fright flick (I guess they’re must be an audience for that still somewhere right?). The actual ‘found footage’ segments are punchy but brief, and the glimpses of ‘The Marrow’s’ residents are sadly briefer still. (There’s also one subtly brilliant reveal which casual viewers may miss altogether on first viewing.) Whilst Green is obviously subscribing to the ‘less is more’ adage here (unlike his approach to the HATCHET franchise), his core audience, just like Green himself, shares his love of - and sympathy for - the monster, and we’re as eager as he is in the film to uncover the creature.

DIGGING UP THE MARROW is an unapologetic heart-on-the-sleeve love letter to monsters - infused with more than a hint of NIGHTBREED – and it makes for a sweet treat. 

     

**** (out of 5*)

Paul Worts

(This review was first published on the FrightFest website.)

CHARLIE'S FARM (2014)

Directed by Chris Sun, Starring: Tara Reid, Nathan Jones, Bill Moseley, Kane Hodder. Horror, Australia, 2014, 88mins, Cert 18.

Four friends embark on a camping trip into the Australian outback to find the urban legend site known as Charlie’s Farm. Reportedly the former homestead of the Wilsons, a cannibalistic serial killing couple, legend has it that the family were murdered back in the 1980’s by an enraged local mob when their heinous crimes came to light. However, the couple had a child named Charlie, and no one knows for sure what became of him...

CHARLIE’S FARM is an Aussie HATCHET-like retro-horror which re-hashes every 80’s slasher trope without even the faintest hint of a postmodern nod or wink. Yet, whilst it’s often undeniably groan-inducing corny, it’s also a lot of fun (eventually).

Introduced as if they are auditioning for a Foster’s lager commercial, best mates Mick (Sam Coward) and Jason (Dean Kirkright) sit by a pool, beers in hand, conspiring to lure Jason’s American wife Natasha (Tara Reid) and her nubile friend Melanie (Allira Jaques) on their horror camping trip. The pair act like Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw in CARRY ON CAMPING as they set off. Along the way their drive into outback hell is strewn with horror clichés piled high by the side of the road – close-ups of road kill (Kangaroo replacing Texan armadillo), ominous close-ups of moths caught in spider webs abound; and of course the obligatory encounter with the local who warns them that they’re heading for a “dark and evil place” (translation: “You’re all doooomed”).

Writer/director Chris Sun’s script is equally up to the task of gaining a Guinness World Record nomination for clichéd dialogue – so much so that I suggest trying the following drinking game whilst viewing: down a shot every time a character asks “What’s that smell?” or Tara Reid says she has a bad feeling about this. (You’ll be drunk as a skunk by the time the end credits roll). 

Into this Aussie special brew we find two fish-out-of-water American horror icons. Bill Moseley pops up to briefly rehash his ‘Otis’ character from HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES and THE DEVIL’S REJECTS in flashback as backpacker rapist /murderer/cannibal Mr Wilson, a role Bill can by now play in his sleep. Then there’s Kane Hodder appearing (surreally) as a boxing coach who feels guilty for having given his friends phone directions to ‘Charlie’s Farm’ and sets off in hot pursuit to make sure they’re alright out there...

We have to wait a full 59 minutes before ‘Charlie’ himself, the gargantuan retired strongman/ power lifter/professional wrestler Nathan Jones (Rictus Erectus from MAD MAX: FURY ROAD) swings into action dispatching the unfortunate campers (and a couple of additional backpackers). 

Resembling some kind of genetic steroid experiment which fused together 70’s children’s TV wizard ‘Catweazle’ with ‘Harry’ from HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS, Nathan Jones’ ‘Charlie’ certainly cuts an imposing figure given his 6ft 11in frame (rounded up to a neat 7ft on the film’s artwork!). It’s rare that Kane Hodder is dwarfed on screen – but it sure happens here! (As student coordinator on the film as well, I briefly entertained hopes Kane might have been asked to re-stage the infamous boxing scene from JASON TAKES MANHATTAN – sadly no). Instead we have to make do with an unsatisfying set-to in a very dimly-lit barn. 

Thankfully though, the majority of Charlie’s exceptionally gory and creative slaughtering is easier to make out. Just as well as it boasts some impressively unrestrained (and practical) special make-up effects in a terrific 15 minutes of mayhem that would surely have earned it a place on the DPP’s list of ‘nasties’ back in the 80’s (where it feels the film kind of belongs).

If there is one deviation from the slasher blueprint in the film, it’s in the treatment of Tara Reid’s ‘final girl’. At one point I thought she might be about to attempt an Amy Steel-like ‘Ginny’ moment from FRIDAY THE 13^TH PART 2 and try to impersonate Charlie’s dead mother – but instead Director Sun opts for a far blunter, and therefore unexpectedly  abrupt conclusion.

Whilst CHARLIE’S FARM is clearly intended as a showcase for introducing the horror community to a new potential iconic horror monster, ‘Charlie’ himself isn’t any competition for Jason, Michael, Leatherface, or Victor Crowley. But (and Tara Reid in particular might disagree with me on this) given the choice, I’d much rather watch ‘Charlie’ continuing converting his farm into a human abattoir in a sequel then watching yet more crappy CG sharks flying out of tornados ad nauseam.       

***(out of 5*)

Paul Worts